Getting thin

To my friends, please forgive me for my lack of posts lately.  Since my return from my pilgrimage to Alaska, I have been consumed by surges of personal growth.  It is my intent to begin regular submissions for all who care to partake.

Having said that, a question.  Is it ever appropriate to pull into your shell like a tortoise and concentrate solely on oneself?  I have found that in recent times I have apparently become fixated on the physical manifestation of my self.  I believe this has been presented as an opportunity for me to clean house, so to speak.  I have been presented with opportunity to see up close and personal some of the ugliness I carry in my baggage.  The shock effect has been perfect!  My immediate response is to run away, to remove myself from all experiences that may initiate more toxic revelation.  I want to just find a hole and dig it deeper.  It seems like the farther I progress on my spiritual path, the more carnal I become.  Why is this, I wonder?  A prime example of this is jealousy.  Man, that is some truly ugly stuff!  I had no idea I still held the capability of feeling this to such a deep and all consuming extent.  In retrospect, I have beed receiving this message for a while now.  First subtle little flashes, then over time with more experiences growing to an all consuming negative passion!  It reached the point where I was envisioning the most hurtful images of those I love the most.  God, such ugliness from me!  But is it?  Being able now to remove myself from the frenzy of the moment, I can see that this wasn't me.  I believe this was a last gasp of my ego to bring me back from my spiritual path.  So, is the path of wisdom to remove myself from the experiences that may trigger more vile stuff from me, or is it to lay myself out in the glaring heat of the desert to have these parts of me burned away by the naked sun of purposeful exposure?  The path of the monk is to remove oneself from the temptation, to be in a place where one is free to concentrate his energy on progression on the spiritual path.  Or is it better to purposely present myself with the opportunity to sink to the depths of the carnal being.  Buddha said one can not become enlightened by the words of others, but instead must gain enlightenment through the experiences within ones self.   Maybe the truth lies in the ether between the two.