Life's clutter

As of late I have been attempting to rid my house of clutter.  For me, this has been extremely difficult!  But, what I have found to be more difficult is to rid myself of inner clutter.  This is the clutter that interfere's with my relationship with others as well as with myself.  This is the clutter accumulated from years of low self esteem, paranoia and low self confidence.  Sometimes, I believe our society thrives on separating individuals from each other.  Interesting.  I always thought the role of society was to act for the common good.  Maybe I was more right then I had thought.  Maybe, the way to the highest common good is to segregate the individuals from themselves, to create an atmosphere of paranoia and self doubt that invites the loss of one's self, to be incorporated into the group.  Or, maybe this has nothing to do with society at all.  Maybe this is of my own making.  Speaking for myself, I have come to know some of the games I have invented within to keep me separated and protected from others.  But is this what I really want?  Is this a necessary function of our being, to maintain the walls of isolation?  Why?  What is it exactly that I am so focused on protecting?  I have come to the realization that this is not the path I choose to walk.  I want to toss out the clutter of my self and be me, the real me.  I want to reach the place where I don't feel the need to hide anything from anyone.  Especially from myself.  Be it good or not so good, it is me, the person I am today, in this moment.  I tell myself that I am the perfect me for this time and place, but do I really believe that to be true?  So much of my response to my world, both inner and outer, is founded on the realization that I do not believe this, that I do not perceive me to be the perfect me for this time, in this place.  I have been very good at building the walls that separate and hide.  In an earlier post I talked about my misuse of sex.  I shared how my intention was to verify me in the eyes of the other.  This was, and is, very efficient at giving the short term boost to ego.  But what of the other "games"?  How do I break this cycle of sustaining ego through half truths and outright lies?  I know I can do this.  I know my Creator has provided a spot deep within me where truth resides.  And I believe the answer for me is to go outside of me.  I have been led to a friend that, for whatever reason, I feel total confidence in.  Maybe it's the belief that she has undergone much of what I have experienced, but in her own way.  Whatever the reason, and however the means, I feel a total oneness, a total confidence in this woman.  I believe that I can express me in all my "glory" to her.  I don't understand this.  But in my heart I know it to be true.  I also know the road will not be smooth, that there will be hurt feelings, dashed expectations, and raised walls.  But that's okay.  I have confidence that she will endure my bullshit and help me to see the acceptance of me in me that she sees in me. And I am committing to her, to walk the path of love and understanding that will help her to get beyond her past, to shed her clutter, and find her self acceptance.  And maybe over time, I will be able to expand this to two people, then three.  Who knows where it might stop?  Maybe I will finally be able to embrace the universe and accept it's gift of love.