Argh!

Wow, I feel so overwhelmed today.  So, word to the wise, in the words of the wicked witch of the West (or East?  I can never remember!), "I'd turn back if I were you"!  The financial crap is getting deep, and I feel like I have to carry the weight of so many others.  I know this is not really true, and I am exaggerating, but I am writing about what I feel, not what is necessarily true.  And I realize I am far better off then so many others.  But, I feel what I feel.  So, I think the old snowball thing is happening here.  It started when we had snow so early in the season, then all the mud that I want to fix, but I need to buy gravel and get the energy to dig out the glop, then the realization that if the barn is to be painted and the house stained, it will fall on me to do it.  I look around and all I see are all the things that need doing, and I just don't have the energy or the motivation to do them.  This is not to put blame on anyone else, mind you, because I know things are not exactly great with those whom I counted on to help with this, and to be fair they have done a lot of the work.  But, this is about how I feel, not about reality.  Then when I think we might get help with our mortgage, I find that the "help" out there doesn't seem to be intended for those of us who have been working to stay above water in a sinking ship.  I find that while the powers that be claim housing has lost about 30% of it's previous value, my house has apparently lost about 55-60% because of low ball appraisals and comps that don't reflect the actual selling potential of the house.  Then, to top things off, my son will probably have to be in college again for the fall semester because the 2 classes he needs to graduate are offered at the same time in the spring.  So, all his plans will apparently be on hold, and he will be without health insurance as of March.  I feel bad for him because I know how hard he has worked to get to where he is.  So, bottom line is I really do not know if I will be able to  take my trip to Alaska after all.  I really do not see how I can spend the money on this trip, knowing that a good bit will end up on the credit card.  So, I feel overwhelmed today.  I see all my plans sinking into the goop that is our paddock.  But maybe this is exactly how things should be.  Maybe I need to have the physical world get so depressing that I run to the spirit world as an escape.  I know this is not the best way to make the transition, but sometimes we must take what is laid on our plate and be grateful.  I know later I will feel far more optimistic, but I felt I wanted to write about all the feelings, not just the pretty ones.  Just getting this out has already helped my state of mind.  See, things are not all that bad.....